My skin was sensitive but it no longer hurt. The nausea was gone but my head was stuffy and my eyes were watering. I seemed to be in the stage where it morphed into a nasty cold – a considerable improvement. Jeff brought me more ginger ale and placebo for my appetizer. ‘You were asleep at lunchtime so I left you alone. The more time you spend sleeping when you’re sick, the less of it you feel.’ ‘Thank you,’ I said, though it sounded more like, ‘Dak you.’ That night, when I displayed the energy and ability to do things for myself, Jeff brought me a black loose leaf binder. ‘What’s that?’ I asked. ‘Your notes and assignments from the days you’ve been sick.’ I opened it. ‘You can see I’ve got a divider for each of your courses. There are notes I was able to get from your classmates and notes I took for a couple classes I couldn’t get coverage for.’ ‘You went to my classes instead of yours so you could take notes?’ It was my turn to be incredulous. That was crazy. Who would do something. Love you.’ I close my eyes and pretend I didn’t see. But I did see and I am ashamed for feeling betrayed as I lay in your arms. The logic side of my brain is telling me, why are you having a reaction to seeing such intimacy, after all, Laura did call earlier and you were responding to her call. Why would the act of seeing you do so, upset me so? But it did upset me and I began to feel empty side, very empty. What am I doing? Why am I doing this to myself pretending that the sex is going to make me feel better? I will never have what you have with your wife. The intimacy I long for. I know that what you lack in your marriage is sex. And that is what I can give you. I too am missing sex in my marriage. But I am also missing so many more things than you. And I long for those to return. That moment of intimacy with your wife after the vacation you had, I know it was good for you. Part of you wanted to continue the wonderful time spent together being close and sharing. I get it. I.
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